Oh what a night!

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Mauveduh
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Oh what a night!

Post by Mauveduh » Mon Apr 26, 2004 11:05 pm

I got a call today from my son at school saying he was getting a ride home with his friend Kyle from Kyle’s dad. OK, I didn’t see him for hours and I was wondering where he was. It got later and later and I started getting a little nervous. But if you know you my son, he has a one-track-mind and can easily just not pay any attention to time and I end up going through hell wondering if something happened to him while he is just going about his business.

This has been going on his whole life. They called him “the wanderer” in kindergarten. No matter how many times I tell him to just call me so I don’t worry, he ends up doing this periodically. He gets in trouble and gets grounded, yet he ends up doing it again. I’ve probably lost years off my life span with the stress during these times.

I went through looking all over the house for phone numbers trying to find this kid. I went to his house once and was wondering if I could find it again. I called some of his friends several times. I was on my way to try to drive to the neighborhood where I thought the kid lived and on the way out, I saw his bike in the front of our house.

Then I started thinking that he came home and walked down the road and got jumped by some kids that “would do that.” I looked in the garage and his dirt bike was gone. Oh no, I thought. He is lying in a ditch somewhere for hours and can’t get up. It was 9:30 at night by then and had been dark for hours. I tried to get his friend to tell me where they went to ride bikes recently.

I thought of calling the police but wasn’t sure how they would help at this point so I wanted to try to find him first. After several hours, I had my car running, ready to drive around looking and he and his friend walked through the door.

What a nightmare for nothing, once again. He was at someone’s house working on the kid’s science project and didn’t bother to do his own homework. They ended up taking the bus to my house and then I had to drive the kid home.

I’m exhausted!
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Post by webwriter » Tue Apr 27, 2004 4:09 am

Whew, you really went through hell, Mauveduh. I would have been in a tizzy wondering where my kid was and things like that can take years off your life, given the garbage that happens so frequently today. You just never know. I am glad that everything worked out well.

I'm afraid that I can't offer any suggestions, except maybe to have yet another heart-to-heart and explain how hard it is on you.

Am also afraid that I was no better when I was a teen. However, my mom expected me home at the EXACT time that I gave her, such as 9 pm. If I showed up at 9:01 pm, I would never hear the end of her ranting all night. If I tried to calmly explain, the ranting would continue for another hour or so. She would actually sit by the window, waiting for me to come home. That stuff affected me as well, giving me stress, headaches and stomaches.

Of course, there were times that I really got home late and caught hell for it, and times that I am not especially proud of. For example, one night, I had the nerve to sample some whiskey with a friend, though not enough to make me really drunk. I could still walk a straight line, LOL. But I was careful to keep my distance from my mom, who was very sharp-minded about a lot of things. God help me if she ever smelled my breath and got a whiff.

The most disgusting thing, however, was that my brother, the youngest sibling, never caught hell at all from my mom and dad. He could walk in at 1 am, just as nicely as you please and get no guff. I, on the other hand, did not dare. My clothes would have been on the porch.

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Post by realgoalgetter » Wed Apr 28, 2004 5:35 pm

Obviously I am not a MOM, so I can only imagine the anxiety you were going through.

I probably drove my mom nuts too. How old is your son?

If he won't let you know where he is and when to expect him, then you have a choice.

Above all of course, love him. Talk to him. I take it you already have.

You cannot let this affect your health and soon it will. If you can't demonstrate to him how important his safety and well being is to you, then, you must change your perception of what is going on and let it go.

Whatever will happen will happen anyway whether you worry yourself to a frazzle, (is this a word?), or focus on the idea that he is just out living his life. And if something does happen you will be better prepared to deal with any negative event, if you are positive yourself.

You are probably thinking, "What could a man possibly know about the bond between a mother and her child?" And you would be right. Nothing.

That does not stop me from caring about your welfare and trying to help you reframe your perception of what this means when he is away.

Only a thought. Take care of yourself.

Al

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Post by Mauveduh » Wed Apr 28, 2004 9:43 pm

Thanks for the support. I do sound like an overprotective, overwrought Mom, don't I. LOL. Actually my son is in 8th grade and old enough to take care of himself for the most part and I actually give him alot of independence. He's very resourceful and self sufficient.

I only get like this when he does one of these dissappearing acts every now and then because it seems like there is no reason for him not to get in touch, and it's contrary to what he has told me. I also know that this has happened a few times in the past but you always think the worst when you have that chilling feeling in wondering what has happened.

It's kind of a special circumstance because he has ADD and some learning dissabilities that effect his judgement. His actions are often impulsive, rather than thought out so it raises my concern. He has also had a bad motorcycle accident and still doesn't get why he shouldn't take off on a deserted trail alone. Now he has befriended some kids that happen to be gang members to top it off and he is very impressionable. Gang related deaths are a commonplace around here in this eclectic, middle-class community just for wearing the wrong color or a perceived inference.

I guess that is my disclaimer for stressing over that situation so much. Other than that, he's doing pretty well and in many ways just your normal kid. He's just a bit immature and I worry about his judgement. Luckily it doesn't happen that often and I try to remember that he has done this before when I do go through it.

I will try to just chill! :-) Though I will probably go through it again in the future and I do appreciate your thoughts of wisdom.
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Post by realgoalgetter » Wed Apr 28, 2004 10:30 pm

Hi Mauveduh,

Please know that I do not want to minimize the problems that youngsters can get into. I was young once . . .

In my eighth grade, I had my own unfortunate accident that almost took my life. I still didn't GET IT!

This is an age when friends/peers have a lot of influence with kids. I remember my Mom telling me not to hang around with certain individuals, troublemakers that is.

I didn't listen then and I didn't fully appreciate what she was trying to tell me until I was in my 30's. Quick learner I am. RIGHT!

I guess what I am trying to say is that you have built a foundation in him that will keep him from veering too far off the path. Being a boy, he will try out his new found independence and stray from time to time.

This is the hard part. Waiting for him to find out for himself that you are right and that what he learned from you will give him the proper direction.

He is growing up and I don't think following him around 24/7 is an option. I hope you don't have too many sleepless nights, but I know there will be some.

My wife had a son and daughter before we met, son 14, and daughter 9, and even though it was 23 years ago, I remember her going through much like what you are, when times like these came about.

By the way, they turned out great.

Al

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Post by webwriter » Thu Apr 29, 2004 4:02 am

I also think that it takes a little while for kids to find themselves. As a teenager, I respected my parents but disagreed with them about certain issues, such as friends. I used to be told not to hang out with this or that one and asked if I wanted to be a bum. Hanging out with the wrong crowd included just standing on a corner with some friends and talking, something that my parents never approved of.

But as with other teens, that behavior and those contrary attitudes changed as I got older. And sometimes, I even shake my head when I see some of these young kids with their smart-aleck attitudes and to my shock, utter the same words as my parents did all of those years ago. Fortunately, I realize what I am doing and put myself in check as I think: God, I am turning into my mother!!!

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Post by altyfc » Thu Apr 29, 2004 8:19 am

Wow... I have a steep learning curve ahead of me. Parenthood is literally just a matter of days away for me right now!

Glad to hear he was safe and sound, even if it did put you under unnecessary stress.

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Post by Mauveduh » Thu Apr 29, 2004 8:49 am

OH, Aaron, that's great. Congratulations.

Be sure and keep us posted on the news. Do you have names picked out and all that?

You do have a challenging road ahead. But it's alot of fun too.
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Post by webwriter » Thu Apr 29, 2004 8:58 am

And at the same time, a great learning experience and opportunity.

All best,
webwriter

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Post by realgoalgetter » Thu Apr 29, 2004 8:44 pm

Hi Aaron,

Congrats on your coming new addition.

They do not come with an owners manual, so we all flew by the seat of our pants. Welcome to the club . . . soon.

Al Smith

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Post by altyfc » Fri Apr 30, 2004 3:05 am

LOL... thanks everyone. I look forward to it. We should have joined the club two days ago but we're still waiting... :wink:

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Post by naynay » Fri Apr 30, 2004 3:44 am

tar and feather them...it works for my kids!

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Post by webwriter » Fri Apr 30, 2004 1:44 pm

In any case, you have your work cut out for you. Go, get 'em tiger!

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Re: Oh what a night!

Post by Maria_09 » Wed Mar 19, 2014 9:33 pm

That must be stressful for you. As your kid, my boy is also a wanderer who never bothers about time. But thanks to the Phoenix kindergarten authority that he is attending these days. They never let kids go with anybody other than his parents.

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Re: Oh what a night!

Post by xiaoyouyou1hao » Tue Aug 05, 2014 12:18 am

Hanging out with the wrong crowd included just standing on a corner with some friends and talking, something that my parents never approved of.

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