Lost a friend

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Mauveduh
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Lost a friend

Post by Mauveduh » Fri Sep 03, 2004 7:16 pm

I got a call last night from the sister of an old friend to tell me that she died. I haven't been close to her in the last few years but we grew up together and they called us the twins. I practically lived at her house. She had been through a lot of challenges in the years since then. We ended meeting last year for lunch after not being in contact for a very long time. I was just talking about her a couple of days ago for some reason.

Her sister asked me to speak at the funeral, which I have alot of anxiety about because I don't like public speaking but I agreed to do it.

It's something you are never prepared for. It also gives you a dose of mortality when it is one of your contemporaries and they die of no apparent causes.
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Post by Marlowe » Fri Sep 03, 2004 11:24 pm

Oh Mauveduh I am so sorry about your friends death. Even though I had learned the news earlier as well, when I saw your post it made my heart hurt. I didn't know your friend, but I know you and I have heard about her through the years. We never forget our childhood friends, as those experiences and memories are with us forever.

Her family has asked you to speak at her memorial and such an honor speaks for itself. I have done a few eulogies in my life, and one is more than enough. The anxiety it produces is ruthless, but believe it or not when it is all said and done, you will forever cherish the opportunity you had to say out loud to her friends, her family and most of all to her, that she was somebody. She was a person who could love and be loved; she made an impact and she made a difference, and her life had value and she was more than worthy.

I've asked my family and friends to all say a prayer for your friends eternal life, as well as for you and the family who must let her go.

with much love, marlowe

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Post by webwriter » Sat Sep 04, 2004 9:50 am

I agree with Marlowe, who has said everything I wanted to say, only better. Thank you, Marlowe.

All I could say now is that I am very sorry to hear such sad news and will keep you all in mind with prayers. God bless.

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Post by Mauveduh » Sat Sep 04, 2004 2:42 pm

Thanks to both of you for your heartwarming sentiments.

As I mentioned, I was just talking about her a couple of days ago in the context of explaining why a teenage girl was being picked on by her classmates. I said that they may be jealous.

I used to hold this friend as a barometer for myself. Since we were labeled twins, the comparison was even stronger. I was saying how when she got her cute new little 2-piece bathing suit, I was jealous. I had my old one-piece that just didn't cut it along side this cute little number. I didn't want to go to the beach that day and started pouting and being an immature brat, myself. It's hard to admit those silly things that aren't so attractive but girls that age are all about comparing themselves and can sometimes get cruel. I wasn't mean to my friend but it's common to see, like in the movie, "Mean Girls".

Unfortunately it's devastating for the targets of these cruel attacks. I was able to recall an experience from my past to try to help another going through a similar circumstance.

So many years later, my interaction with this old friend was passed on today with the intent of helping someone else. She is still in my life from knowing her.

We used to immitate our favorite bands and make guitars out of cigar boxes and attach a stick for the guitar neck. I remember a picture of all of us posing just like the band. Each of us identified with a different member and were definitely in character. I cringe at the thought while smiling at the same time. There are so many instances that define that time in life for me that all include her, like music does when you hear a song that takes you back.

I'm so glad that I got to reconnect with her years later and have lunch and catch up on life. We promised that we would do this again, and I was sure that we would. We didn't get that opportunity, but she is still in my life in many ways.
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Post by webwriter » Sat Sep 04, 2004 4:56 pm

It was nice that you had a chance to see your friend. Your fond memories of that time and your childhood years will last for a long time and may help to heal some of the pain. A few years ago, a close friend of mine passed away and I took his death very hard for awhile. Almost every song I heard brought back memories of our happier times together, along with old TV shows such as Sanford and Son. And the time that I belted down two little glasses of whiskey just to teach him a lesson after he made some crack about my reluctance to "live a little." I did get a little drunk, but exaggerated it and put a good scare into him. You should have seen the look on his face! LOL.

Nowadays, the tears are long gone, but the happy memories linger. The grieving process took time to work through though, but it is all history now.

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Post by Mauveduh » Wed Sep 08, 2004 8:26 pm

Well, the funeral was nice. I swore I wouldn't get teary eyed but, of course, that lasted all of 5 minutes. It was an intimate gathering. I even saw a couple of people that I hadn't seen in years that I didn't expect to see.

I didn't quite know what I was going to say until this morning. I put it off till the last minute but I got alot of positive comments on it so it seemed that it was really appreciated.

Unfortunately that heat wave is still lingering. Ahhhh... It is supposed to start cooling off tomorrow. I have my fingers crossed.
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Post by Marlowe » Wed Sep 08, 2004 11:29 pm

I am sure you are greatly relieved to not have your friends tribute behind you. I hope I was right in that you will cherish the honor which was bestowed upon you. It sounds like you did a fine job, and the words that always work best are the ones from the heart. Well done Mauveduh.

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Post by webwriter » Thu Sep 09, 2004 3:54 am

I'm glad that things turned out well, and can relate to your efforts to control your emotions. When my mom passed, I was just a total wreck who was unable go to mass, but got in the limosene with my dad and sister after it was over. And when my grandmother passed on, I stood next to my sobbing aunt during the funeral mass and in seconds, was wiping away tears. All of this happened in the same year!

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Post by Mauveduh » Thu Sep 09, 2004 10:22 am

Oh, that sounds like a tough year, webwriter. It's impossible to control those emotions when they are all around you.

And yes I'm glad that part is over but you are right Marlowe, I'm also honored to be able to give tribute to her.
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Post by webwriter » Thu Sep 09, 2004 11:01 am

Giving such a tribute is not only an honor, but a source of comfort.

A believer in the afterlife, I would go as far as saying that your friend's spirit was probably present at the tribute. You did a great thing!

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