Humor

Successful Self-Sabotage Strategies
by Susan J. Letham

Self-sabotage doesn't come easily to everyone. If you need a
helping hand to sabotage your projects, let these six easy-
to-use-approaches show you how to proceed.

1. Fill your life with clutter

It takes a fair amount of time, space, and dedication to be
successful. To sabotage your success, simply clutter up your
life with meaningless objects and activities.

Overcommit at all costs. Fill each day with so many meetings
and appointments that you can't possibly get to any of them
on time or relax and pay attention when you do.

Set no boundaries. Encourage family, friends, and neighbors
to call or drop by at any time of the day or night, without
first checking on your plans.

Be a gatherer. You'll know you have enough junk when you can
no longer find a place to hang your hat or place your feet
as you edge your way through your home or office.

Tip: Artificial flowers, ornaments, cuddly toys, and gossip
magazines are helpful here. They eat up your money, too, so
you're sure not to have enough left for meaningful products
and pursuits.

2. Be ambivalent

Ambivalence ranks high on the self-sabotage scale. Useful
strategies to attain maximum ambivalence are lack of vision,
lack of purpose, and the secret desire to let others do and
decide things for you.

Useful ambivalence aids are anything small and cute with big
eyes. They ensure your loyalties are divided, and that opens
the ways for the Big Big Burden: GUILT. Guilt will trip the
wire to your conscience and unleash a 100 percent load of
self-sabotage to help you maintain your uncertainty.

Cultivate indecisiveness. On no account should you use the
terms "yes" and "no" and "I want" or (may heaven forbid)
" priorities" when making decisions. Always prefer "maybe,"
" it depends," and "I don't really know..."

Tip: To achieve full effect, persuade yourself that you,
your needs, and your talents are meaningless in the greater
scheme of things.

3. Refuse support

On no account should you accept support or encouragement of
any kind, especially if might be remotely suitable. It's
rumored that some people can be successful all on their
own-ios, but most folks need the occasional hand-up and pat
on the back.

Find poisonous pals. The best sabotage takes place when you
seek support in the wrong places. Ask your rivals for help.
They'll be only too happy to point out your weaknesses.

Don't accept genuine support. On no account should you take
classes or book professional support and services.

Tip: Make a special effort to ask other amateurs or your mom
or the guy at the gas station. None of them will know what
you're talking about, but at least they'll smile kindly when
they don't say so to your face.

4. Demand immediate results

A surefire way to sabotage your success is to demand that
you produce immediate results. This will ensure that your
creativity blocks and your thought processes freeze up.

Get frazzled! Quality thinking takes time. By taking care to
pack your time with activities -- the more inane the better
-- you can be fairly confident you'll cripple your ability
to come up with far-reaching, innovative solutions to
pressing problems.

Tip: chat shows, reality TV, and tabloid (ahem) "newspapers"
rate quite high on the inanity scale. On no account should
you free up time and thought capacity by removing them from
your daily schedule.

Don't forget to panic when you don't get results.

5. Cultivate fear and perfectionism

Panic is a wonderful way to create long-lasting fear. Fear
is a powerful success prevention strategy! Fear will stop
you before you even start!

Listen to your doubts. Pay close attention to the voices
warning you of dangers. Let them remind you of your past
failures and embarrassments. Let them alert you to the
dangers of pride and to the ridicule that await those who
dare to step outside the protective anonymity of the crowd.

Give yourself a boredom booster. Strive to be upright and
straight-faced at all times. On no account should try to
introduce an element of playfulness into anything you do.

Pay homage to perfection. Advanced students can couple fear
with perfectionism and triple the sabotage effect!

Tip: Memorize a few useful lines, like "The tall tree gets
cut down" or "Who would want that anyway?" or "You WHAT...?"

6. Focus on your shortcomings

Turn sabotage into a group experience! Instead of poking
holes in your projects alone, throw a picky party and invite
your pals to help you.

Point out your weaknesses and invite folks to ride around on
them... please! On no account should you admit to possessing
any strengths, and under no circumstances should you draw
attention to your expertise and strong points.

Spend most of your time trying to remedy weaknesses rather
than building on strengths. Don't consider outsourcing tasks
that bore you or overtax your resources.

Tip: Start every sentence with a variation of "I know this
is no good, but...." I promise you that folks will be only
too happy to affirm your fears.

Warning: Should you fail on any of these points, you run the
risk of becoming successful. Success is to be avoided at all
costs, because it places you in the spotlight and allows
people to see you as a unique and creative being. Worse, if
you get a taste of success, you run the risk of becoming
addicted and wanting more. You know the saying, "Success
breeds success"? It's true! So start your personal success
prevention campaign now, or succeed at your peril!

© 2004, Susan J. Letham

Susan J. Letham is a British writer, creative writing tutor, and owner of http://www.Inspired2Write.com/121tutor.html . Sign up for classes and competent 1-on-1 coaching. Pick up a no-cost subscription to the Inspired2Write Newsletter at: mailto:Inspired2Write_Newsletter-subscribe@yahoogroups.com